Sole Maintenance

Q.

Hi Dr. Sole,

I would like to know what my boyfriend’s shoes say about him. When we first started dating he would wear these white dirty high top Airforce shoes and he wore them for a while.
Then he bought some black slip-on Vans. They are somewhat dirty now because he wears them to work and he also wears them when we go out. I would really like to know what I’m getting myself into!

From,

Sole Maintenance

A.

Dear Sole Maintenance,

Great observations! A man’s shoes can tell you loads about his habits, attitudes and general behavior. How we do one thing is generally how we do all things.

What seems very clear is that your boyfriend isn’t up to speed on Sole Maintenance. Like shoes, relationships need maintenance. Otherwise, just like his high tops and Vans the relationship can start to look and feel shabby.

Before you make any decisions, ask yourself, “What needs maintenance in your relationship?” Where does it need a shine?

Then talk to him about it. Tell him how important it is for you to be taken care of. You might be surprised by the results!

Lack of self-care is another issue that the condition of his shoes is telling you about him. The Soleology Trickle Down Theory says that if he isn’t taking care of his shoes, most likely he isn’t taking good care of himself. You might want to gently encourage him to take better care of himself. If he might get touchy, there can be a lot of old issues under his “dirty” sneakers. Give him a hug and some breathing room if something comes up.

Remember, we can only care for others to the degree that we can care for ourselves.

Yours,
Dr. Sole

SOLE LIFT

Q.

Hi Dr Sole,

I was watching you on the Tyra Banks Show and I have a man who wears these shoes: they have a slight quarter of an inch lift on the sole of the foot and they are rounded in the front, size 11, light brown leather Sketchers.

Could you please give me some insight?

Thank you so much!

From
Sole Lift

A.

Dear Sole Lift,

Before I go into a Shoe Reading first ask yourself, “What insight his shoes give you?” Focus on the qualities that his shoes exude. Then match up those qualities to what you want in a man. Are his shoes nice and comfortable, kind and soft? Is that what you are looking for in a man? Or do you think brown is boring? And that’s not what you’re looking for in a relationship?

Try out your own intuitions about the qualities of his shoes that you discover.

Sketchers as a brand tend to be hybrid shoes. Which means they aren’t in one category or another. Guys wear them at the office; out on a date, and get away with them at dressier occasions. Be careful he doesn’t have a “one-size fits all” style (and attitude) to life.

Relationships need variety and excitement to keep them going over the long haul. Perhaps, take him shoe shopping and introduce him to new shoes that exude the qualities you like best about him and what he likes best about himself.

It’s fun to get out of your comfort zone – starting with your shoes!

Yours,
Ask Dr. Sole

Sole Curious

Welcome to my Ask Dr. Sole weekly web column!

This is where I answer all your questions about men, dating, and Soleology.

I'm Donna Sozio author of Never Trust a Man in Alligator Loafers: What His Shoes Really Say About his True Love Potential.

In the book, I teach women to trust their "inner sole" instincts to read a man by his shoes to see if he's good dating material. I also teach men how to put their best foot forward... because women are looking at the shoes on their feet!

Q.

Dr. Sole,

I’m just starting to get into Soleology…so I would love to know if you think I’m on track or not.
In my opinion, the brand of the shoe is not the most important thing to look at because you might not always be able to tell…at least I wouldn’t be able to. I would prefer them to be more expensive because I think that’s classy but I assume the basic style and condition are more important?

If a guy has several different types of shoes (tevas, work & bad weather boots, nice-black-lace-up-pumas) that he wears frequently does that mean he is fickle or just sensible?
Do the shoes that a guy wears to work matter? If he has to wear a shirt and tie or a suit then he doesn’t really have many options for shoes. He could have the ugliest, smelly shoes at home that he puts on right after work. Is the type of shoe a guy wears to work an accurate depiction of his sole?

Thanks and I love the whole idea! Hopefully it will make my life much simpler.

From,

Sole Curious

A.

Dear Sole Curious,

You got it going on. It’s not necessarily the brand of the show but more importantly the qualities that his shoes express. Sometimes certain brands carry a recognized prestige or reputation (like Prada or Converse) that men want to be associated with. In that case – the brand does matter.

Beyond brand, being aware of the care and attention a man gives his shoes indicates his habits towards maintenance in romantic relationships because how a man does one thing is generally how he does all things. Honestly, if a man doesn’t take care of his own things (i.e.: his shoes) chances are he doesn’t have the awareness to take good care of you in the relationship either.

Next, if a man has an assortment of shoes for different conditions and situations in life that is a good indicator that he doesn’t take a “one size fits all” approach to life. He has the ability to recognize the needs of each situation and respond to it effectively through his specific choice in shoes. This will “trickle down” to his behavior in a relationship with you. Which in this case is a good thing.

Now let’s talk about men’s office shoes. Sometimes it’s difficult to lift information from a man’s typical black suit shoes. They can be as uncommunicative as puffy white sneakers because they are obligatory. Yes, it’s a good idea to do Sole Reconnaissance and see what shoes he chooses to wear after work – when he is in complete control about his choice in shoes. That will give you more detailed information about him.

Yours,

Dr. Sole

Don't Want to Get Bit!

Welcome to my Ask Dr. Sole weekly web column!

This is where I answer all your questions about men, dating, and Soleology.

I'm Donna Sozio author of Never Trust a Man in Alligator Loafers: What His Shoes Really Say About his True Love Potential.

In the book, I teach women to trust their "inner sole" instincts to read a man by his shoes to see if he's good dating material. I also teach men how to put their best foot forward... because women are looking at the shoes on their feet!

Q.

Hi Dr. Sole,

How are you? I just saw your appearance on the Tyra Show. I loved your shoe philosophy. I have a question, I am interested in a guy who often wears a snake or alligator type designer shoe that has a narrow square toe. Please tell me what I’m getting myself into?

Thanks...

Don’t Want to Get Bit!

A.

Dear Don’t Want to Get Bit!

Remember, we are (usually) in complete control of what shoes we choose to wear on our feet as we step out into the world. I can already tell you feel a bit uneasy about the qualities of the shoes his express. Unless he’s an Indian or a Cowboy – men who wear “hunter” type skins on their shoes usually also express some predatory characteristics as well. Which may or may not be what you are looking for in a date or a mate. A narrow toe – especially an elongated toe- indicates sex. He might try to put on the moves really fast! If you date him, make sure to stand your ground. Don’t let him charm you into thinking what he wants is what you want too… unless of course, it is.

Yours,
Dr. Sole

Steel Toe Boots

Welcome to my Ask Dr. Sole weekly web column!

This is where I answer all your questions about men, dating, and Soleology.

I'm Donna Sozio author of Never Trust a Man in Alligator Loafers: What His Shoes Really Say About his True Love Potential.

In the book, I teach women to trust their "inner sole" instincts to read a man by his shoes to see if he's good dating material. I also teach men how to put their best foot forward... because women are looking at the shoes on their feet!

Q.

Dear Dr. Sole,

I would like to know what my boyfriend’s shoes say about him. He wears black steel toe work boots. He works as a conductor for a railroad.

Steel Toe Boots


A.

Dear Steel Toe Boots,

That’s great that your boyfriend wears black steel toe boots to work. Most likely they are a safety requirement of his job. And if they aren’t – the fact that he wears such hardy protective shoes means that he cares about himself and his safety. Which inevitably “trickles down” onto his relationship with you!

I’m most interested in knowing about what shoes he wears off work when he is with you. Are they still steel toe boots with lots of protection? Or does he transition out of work-mode with another pair of shoes? I know men who keep flip-flops in the car to “lighten-up” and quick change into the moment they are off work. Think about the different areas of his life such as work, play, romance and free time spent with you. What shoes does he wear in each of those categories of his life? Feel free to write back. That’s when Soleology gets really interesting!

Yours,
Dr. Sole

Alligator Loafer Slide Show

SOLE STUCK

Welcome to my Ask Dr. Sole weekly web column!


This is where I answer all your questions about men, dating, and Soleology.


I'm Donna Sozio author of Never Trust a Man in Alligator Loafers: What His Shoes Really Say About his True Love Potential.


In the book, I teach women to trust their "inner sole" instincts to read a man by his shoes to see if he's good dating material. I also teach men how to put their best foot forward... because women are looking at the shoes on their feet!


Q.
Hello Dr. Sole ,

I'm hoping you can help me. For the longest time now I've been stuck with 4 pair of shoes that I interchange. I’m just wondering if they are right for me - or not.

Shoe #1
I wear black oxford shoes to work with a heavy duty sole (non-slip and oil resistant) with medium round black laces.

Shoe #2
White K-Swiss athletic shoes that are starting to get worn out but are good for walking.

Shoe #3
Brown Oxford style Sketchers with medium round laces, kind of dressy and kind of casual.

Shoe #4
Black Dr. Scholl’s Oxfords with smaller laces and just kind of there.

I saw your clip from The Tyra Banks Show and I’m wondering if any of these shoes would misinterpret me? I tend to be laid back and fun. But I can be shy at times and serious as well. Am I doing the right thing right now? Or not? Hope you can help.

- Sole Stuck

A.
Dear Sole Stuck,

What jumped out immediately from your email was that you think you are “stuck” with these four pairs of shoes. That tells me you are ready for change in your life! Especially when you are wondering if the shoes you wear represent who you really are.

It’s important to remember that you are never stuck – especially your shoes! And if your shoes are “just kinda there”… it means somewhere in your life, you are “just kinda there” too. Think about where you feel stuck in your life – or just kinda there. You might be surprised with what you find.

So – do these four shoes correctly represent you? I would say no! – because they represent the “stuck” you.

Imagine for a minute that all things are possible. What would you be doing? Who would you be doing it with? Where would you be? Now, ask yourself, what shoes would that guy (you…unstuck!) be wearing?

Go out and buy yourself those shoes. Shoes that are definitely “there” and make a statement about who you really are. Every time you wear them, let it be a reminder that you are the captain of not only your own life but also your shoes!

Hope that helps!

Yours,
Dr. Sole